Heartfelt Journey

January 2025 finally rolls around and I’m not going to lie, I was a little bit excited to hopefully get a diagnosis to help her but also scared of what the diagnosis might be.  She’s completed the required blood test, and she is scheduled to see the doctor for the MoCA assessment so we can then proceed with CT and geriatrician.  As the days in January passed, I had a few conversations with her detailing what was going to happen over the next few weeks, and she seemed on board with the plan.  There was no indication that she would not attend.  The biggest challenge I was having with her at this time was taking a shower and changing her clothes.  At this point, it has been about 1 month since her last shower and changing of her clothes and undergarments.  

1 day before her appointment, I was getting her clothes ready because she was going to shower (I know, this was a big win), when suddenly she starts getting agitated and screaming that she is not going to shower because she showered yesterday.  She was accusing me of forcing her to do something she didn’t want to do and that she had done the previous day.  In the past, it bothered her to leave the house without taking a shower.  This was something drilled in my brain from when I was little, you must always take a shower before going out, especially when going to the doctor or hospital.  To share how seriously taking a shower before leaving the house was to my parents, I will share an example.  When my father wasn’t feeling well, he took a shower before going to the hospital – when we arrived at the hospital, he was having a mild heart attack.  It didn’t matter the pain he was in, he had to be clean to be seen at the hospital.  

Back to my mom.  I explained to her how she had a doctor’s appointment the next day and since we had to leave early, I thought taking one the day before would help her she is always so tired after any type of exertion.  She then proceeded to scream that she was not going to doctor’s either.  She began mocking me, making faces like a child would as I spoke.  At this point I knew not to push as she was not able to hear anything I was saying.  I decided that I would try again the next morning before having to leave for the appointment.  The next morning was not any better.  She became agitated again and refused to go to the doctor.  I called and rescheduled the appointment.  Thankfully we have an understanding supportive doctor willing to work with us.  We rescheduled for February 2025 which also got cancelled as she refused to go.  What was surprising was she refused to go to the doctor, but decided she needed a shower and took one.  I thought that maybe she had refused the shower because it was her way of not going to the doctor, but I was wrong.  For the next 4 months she refused to shower, only changing her clothing twice. What I later learned that Dementia impacts hygiene habits.  In regards the future doctor appointments, she refused to go to the next 2 appointments that were scheduled.  The doctor advised that I wait to book the next appointment until it seemed she was having a good day and then bring her in.  This never happened and in May 2025 I had to call 911 and she was admitted to the hospital for her Congestive Heart Failure.  She was retaining fluid and could not breathe.  As scary as it was for her to be admitted, this hospital stay resulted in a diagnosis and a health plan.  She was diagnosed with Mixed Dementia – Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer’s.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading.  I will continue the journey in the next entry.